1. |
Banana Bread Boy
01:34
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I’m your banana bread boy
I’m your banana bread bakin boy
Sometimes I buy too many bananas
And I don’t want them to go to waste
So when they start to get too ripe
I start to bake
And everybody loves the taste
I’m your banana bread boy
I’m your banana bread bakin boy
I’m not one of those bandwagon bakers
Who bakes banana bread cause they are a faker
I been bakin nana bread since you were swimming round
In your daddy’s little ding dong
I put the yum in potassium
I also put the ass in there
Like J-Man from the Bible I keep multiplying loaves
So there’s plenty for you all to share
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2. |
I'm Being Normal
03:30
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If you just took too big'a hit of weed
Now your heart is pounding like you snorted a pound of speed
And your in-laws are coming for dinner and you're starting to freak
Well I got some advice, I think you should heed
Here's what you do, repeat after me, you say
I'm being normal, I'm being normal
Keep telling yourself that
Til you believe it
And if you accidentally smoked crack
With a prostitute who tried to tell you that it wasn't crack
But you're no dummy
You've seen crack before and you know it looks just like that
But she says "hush up, sugar dick, sit back and relax"
But that's kinda hard to do cause you just smoked fucking crack
Just say
I'm being normal, I'm being normal
Keep telling yourself that
Til you believe it
And if your dentist is a psychopath
(and maybe a pedophile)
You go in for a cleaning and he gives you a big hit of gas
Then he cranks up Pink Floyd
And starts talking about his assistant's ass
And you're like "okay this is getting kinda weird
Should I get outta here?"
But you can't feel your body
Cause everything's numb
And then you realize you're completely trapped
And you're like
This isn't normal, this isn't normal
Why is this happening?
Why is this happening?
I'm only here cause my mom had a coupon for a teeth cleaning
And I shoulda known things were a little weird
When he took a guitar off the wall
And said "PLAY!"
And then ate a burrito while I strummed the guitar for like 20 minutes
That was weird
Little bit of a red flag
And now he's talking about how his son plays high school baseball
And he likes going to the games
So he can look at all the field hockey girls across the way
And I'm like whaaaaa
What's goin on???
I'm starting to freak out
WHAT DO I DO?!?!
And then I'm like, "oh yeah"
I'm being normal, I'm being normal
Keep telling yourself that
Til you believe it
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3. |
Slow Cooker
01:10
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If you wanna eat meat
But not right now
Maybe in 4 or 5 hours
Slow, slow cooker
Last week I made a pot roast
Next week I might try meatballs
You can make quinoa
Or oatmeal
It doesn't have to be meat all the time
Slow, slow cooker
The wife made mulled wine this weekend
I didn't like it but I think her friends did
Slow, slow cooker
Just set it and forget it
Trust me you won't regret it
Unless you accidentally burn your house down
Slow, ooh
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4. |
Zoom Baby Shower
01:10
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at the zoom baby shower
for my friends Steve and Kate
they opened up presents for their baby
for 3 whole hours straight
everybody got wasted
by everybody I mean me
I wrote some weird stuff in the chat room
about how often I have to pee
and how I think that Steve could nurse the baby
cause I believe if men eat enough cheese they could lactate
yeah I believe if me eat enough cheese we could lactate
it's not scientifically proven or anything like that
it's just a feeling in my gut
and that's what's what
what what
what was I talking about?
never mind
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5. |
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I hope god isn't a chicken
After all the things I've done to rotisseries
He or she, her or him
They're gonna pluck me limb from limb
That's why I hope god isn't a chicken
I hope god isn't a chicken
After all the things I've done to Buffalo Wings
I bet they are gonna be pissed
They're gonna fuck me with their fists
That's why I hope god isn't a chicken
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6. |
Big Massive Dumps
00:41
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lately I been eating all of my feelings
and let me tell you there's a lot to eat
but baby that's only half the story
Mr. President, tell em what I mean
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7. |
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yeah I got it on my calendar
I even circled the date
and every day I ask myself
"is it almost March 8th?"
cause that's the day that we men get to say
Happy International Woman's Day
the day you say "thanks" to your secretary
and tell your wife she don't gotta cook tonight
she can just go pick up takeout from Hunan Delight
yeah, treat em right
today we don't do cat calls
we don't tell em they should smile more
we don't stare long at their cleavage
or imagine them in porn
and even if your dick pics are looking great
put em away
cause it's international woman's day
the day we tone down our misogyny
and tell our wives they don't gotta cook tonight
mainly cause their cookie tastes like shite
fellas, am I right?
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8. |
Flip Flop Tan
00:38
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I got a flip flop tan bitch
Whachoo gonna do?
Make fun of me for walkin in the sun
Fuck you
It’s summertime I’m gonna get mine
Gonna get my shine on
Like a diamond on my feet
Walking down the street in this heat
You want me to wear shoes and socks?
You can suck my cock
I ain’t never gonna stop
It’s flip flops and that’s it
Anything else is batshit
That’s why I gotta flip flop tan bitch
Whatchoo gonna do
Whatchoo gonna do
Except watch me walk on by you
I gotta flip flop tan bitch
So fuck you
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9. |
Lick Up My Jazz
02:59
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10. |
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has anybody seen my jock jams cd?
I lent it to a friend back in February
he says he burned a copy then gave it back
but I black out all the time
I don't remember that
has anybody seen my jock jams cd?
I think it was a volume number 3
with "cotton eye Joe" and "no diggity"
the gym just aint the same without "come on ride the train"
and let me clear my throat
and "that's the way I like it"
and a bunch of other fuckin solid hits
has anybody seen my jock jams cd?
if not could you do a lil favor for me
say a couple prayers to St. Anthony
Tony, Tony look around for me
(yada yada yada)
I was so depressed I could hardly
I didn't touch a scrap for 2 whole weeks
then I went to toast a bagel and what did I see
my jock jams cd was staring back at me
(yada yada yada)
now I am, I am gettin fuckin jacked
cause I got my jock jams cd back
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11. |
KYD
00:41
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12. |
St. Valentine
02:29
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Today is the day we celebrate St. Valentine
Not some stupid baby in a diaper
Flying round in the sky
Shooting arrows at your heart
Arrows at your heart?
I don’t believe that part either
Arrows are dangerous weapons of war
St. Valentine was just a priest named Valentinus
He cured the daughter of a local judge
She had blindness
The judge was so thankful he converted to Christianity
But this other judge Claudius was like
“No no no no this shit is insanity”
He said renounce your faith boy
Or we’re gonna beat you ass to death
Long story short they beat his ass
And then chopped off his head
So now let’s get romantic in a fact-based
Historical way
Cause nothing gets me harder than a martyr
From the 3rd Century
Yeah nothin gets me harder than a martyr
From the third century
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13. |
Dead Bennies
01:54
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if there's one nice thing about a shitty day
it's that it keeps all the motherfuckin Bennies away
yeah I was a Bennie 10 years ago
but I live here now, so fuck yourself, go
that's right I said go fuck yourself
go fuck yourself
go fuck yourself
they come from gross places like Staten Island
just to back up the parkway for miles and miles
they drive around town in their douchey cars
and spread their diseases all over our bars
one time I got gonorrhea just from lookin at one of them
one time I caught syphilis by standing too close to one of them
(mouth solo)
they leave their trash all over the place
and I wanna smash their fucking faces in
cause the only good Bennie is a Bennie that's dead
so if you're looking for some extra cash my friend
I've got an offer I would like to extend
I'll give you $20 for every Bennie's head
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14. |
Not Too Well
03:49
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You were the singer in my roommates high school band
He said they kicked you out for stealing the shows
Doin Brown Eyed Girl like a young Van the Man
Only 17 at the Whiskey a Go Go
But I’m glad you and Jesse remained friends
Cause it led to that night that I will never forget
When you crashed in our room
Got us all super high
And I kicked your ass all night at Goldeneye
Yeah I kicked your fuckin ass at Goldeneye
One shot kill in the Bunker
The temple, the facility
Now you’re a movie star and a hunk
And I’m just lil ol me, oh lord
I saw you one year later at the lobby of Tisch
I got real nervous, I started acting real coy
I said hey man, what’s up and congratulations
Yeah I heard you just got cast as the Bubble Boy
And a little “thanks man,” was all that I got
Yeah it was like you pretended you forgot
About the night you crashed in our room
I’m still chasing that high
From kicking your fuckin ass at Goldeneye
Yeah I kicked your fuckin ass at Goldeneye
One shot kill in the Stack
Oh Baby I just want you back
Cause you’re a movie star and a hunk
And I’m just a fuckin hack, oh lord
You were the singer in my roommates high school band
He said they kicked you out for stealing the shows
As a loser that’s something I’ll never understand
If you ever wanna join my band please let me know…
I know I’ll never know your kind of fame
But at least I beat your ass at that video game
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15. |
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16. |
W.A.D.
02:53
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Vincent Brue Long Branch, New Jersey
Hi there, I’m Vincent Brue, singer/songwriter, producer & founder of The Vincenzos, Vincent Brue & The Long Branch Davidians. Former captain of Lifeguard Nights & The South Jersey Seashore Lifeguard Convention Band. Sometimes I write songs about animals and ghosts under the name Uncle Vin. Music is the reason I am still on this earth. I hope you enjoy it. ... more
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